What Does it Mean to Be Authentic?

A friend recently mentioned that when she hears people use the word authentic, she cringes. (My word for her reaction, not hers, I cannot remember her word.)

I did not ask her why, but I muttered, “a bit overused.” I wish I had asked her why, (she clearly did not approve and her comment stayed with me.) Perhaps authentic has been used so often that it has begun to lose its meaning. Maybe it has become one of those words people reach for because it sounds good, without stopping to consider what it “really” means. My friend probably has an entirely different reason. I won’t know until I ask her.

BUT

Her comment nudged me to think about what authentic means to me. When I hear the word, a little collection of other words gathers around it: real, honest, unembellished. Unembellished may be the word I was looking for. It suggests to me something with no frills and no thrills. Nothing added simply to make it more attractive. Nothing polished or decorated to create a particular impression. Just the “thing” itself. The bare bones.

A simple definition of authentic is genuine, or true to one’s own character, values and beliefs. Authentic is the word we use to describe something genuine. Authenticity, on the other hand, is the quality we are talking about when we ask what it means to live that way. That sounds straight forward enough. But when we begin to talk about what it looks like to be ourselves, things may become a bit more complicated.

Each of us brings our own experiences, values, and expectations to that little word. What feels authentic to you might not feel authentic to me. For one person authenticity might mean speaking openly. For another, it might mean listening quietly and choosing carefully what to share. For example one person might express herself best through fancy designer clothing, while another feels most herself in a favorite pair of jeans. Neither version is more authentic than the other. That is part of the difficulty and beauty of the word. We may agree on a definition and still express it in wonderfully different ways.

To me authentic means being willing to show up as the person I am, even when that person is still figuring things out. It means saying, “I don’t know,” when I don’t know. It means acknowledging that I have changed my mind. It means being excited about something without worrying too much about what someone else thinks it should be. Sometimes it means admitting that I am confused, uncomfortable or afraid.

At 84, I have had plenty of time to discover that I am not the person I was at 24, 44, or even 74. My experiences have changed me. So have my choices, my losses, the people I have met, and the things I have learned. Does that mean I was not authentic before? I don’t think so.

I was being who I knew how to be at the time. And I hope I will continue to grow into someone who knows herself a little better. So you see authenticity is not a fixed destination. It is a willingness to keep paying attention to who we are becoming.

Of course being real doesn’t mean sharing every thought with everyone. We can be honest and still private. We can be ourselves and still be considerate of other people. We can choose what we share and with whom.

I often wonder about the parts of ourselves we tuck away because we think they might be too much, not enough or simply not what someone else expects. Ya know, our enthusiasm. Our questions. Our dreams. Our opinions. Our wonderfully peculiar ways of seeing the world. How much energy does it take to keep those parts hidden? AND, what might happen if we let a little more of ourselves be seen?

I don’t have a perfect definition of authenticity. I am beginning to think the definition may be different for each of us.

For me it comes back to these words: real, honest, unembellished. A little less pretending. A little less decoration. A little more noticing. The freedom to say, “This is who I am today. I am still learning, and I may change tomorrow.”

As for my dear friend, I think it is time I asked her why the use of the word authentic annoys her. I am almost positive her answer will give me a new way to think about it.

And you know how I feel about that. (Stay tuned.)

💚 The Accidental Blogger