The Cage Was Never Locked

For years I prayed “confidence” would arrive someday. Perhaps after I learned enough, helped enough, accomplished enough, proven enough. Surely then I would finally feel qualified to fully step forward into my own life.

But lately at 83 and 11/12ths, I have begun realizing something surprising. What if the cage was never actually locked?

What if much of my life was spent standing inside an open door, just waiting for permission to walk through it? I do think many women live this way. Not dramatically. Not obviously. But subtly.

We hesitate, second guess, shrink our opinions, apologize for taking up space, waiting until we are certain we are “ready”.

Yup, we stay in carefully designed lanes designed by us and society. We convince ourselves someone else is more qualified, more knowledgeable, and more deserving.

AND

All the while, imposter syndrome whispers, “Who do you think you are?”, “Don’t get too big.”, “Don’t be too visible.”, “You are probably not enough.” Here is the strangest part of all, many women carrying imposter syndrome appear highly capable from the outside. Yes indeed, and I know you agree. They are raising fabulous families, holding down important jobs, volunteering, supporting others, managing households, leading communities, surviving hardships, solving problems and the list goes on. Yet internally they feel as though they must continually earn the right to exist fully.

I understand this because I LIVE it.

Even while coaching, moderating, speaking, writing, creating community and launching new projects, reinventing my health, helping others, launching RA, learning technology, blogging, dreaming new dreams, all in my 80’s, a loud voice still whispers. “Who are YOU to do this?”

BUT

Lately something inside me has shifted. Not loudly, not dramatically. More like the slow “swinging open” of a long locked door. And on the other side of that door? FREEDOM.

Not freedom cuz I think I know everything. Not a chance that will ever happen, ya know, “know everything”. But freedom because I am finally understanding something profound: I do NOT need to earn the right to exist fully. Neither do you.

Nope, I have already done the work, lived the lessons, survived hard things, kept learning, kept showing up and kept growing up and nevah gave up. And now the quiet/sad realization that the door was never closed. Perhaps the bars were made less from reality and more from fear:

• Fear of judgement
• Fear of failure
• Fear of being too much
• Fear of looking foolish
• Fear of starting late
• Fear of taking up space
• Fear of not being perfect

And most importantly, I am finally allowing myself to be seen without constantly asking whether I deserve the space I occupy. This is both terrifying and exhilarating.

UNCAGED

Not arrogant, not performative, not attention seeking. Just Uncaged.

More willing to speak, create, sparkle, experiment, laugh loudly, wear red lips, start new stuff, ask better questions, take up space, share honestly, EVOLVE and quell the voices.

Perhaps the greatest irony of all? Many women spend decades trying to become worthy of freedom, when they were worthy all along.

I am beginning to believe uncaging does not happen in one giant brave leap.

It happens slowly.

One honest moment at a time.

One decision to stop shrinking at a time.

What Does Uncaging Look Like?

• Speaking up
• Wearing the bold outfit
• Learning technology always
• Starting the project
• Asking the question
• Setting the boundary
• Saying no without guilt
• Trying again
• Allowing joy in
• Become willing to be seen
• Being grateful, always
• ETC.

Perfection is your enemy. Authenticity is your SUPER POWER.

Perhaps the path out of imposter syndrome is not becoming someone entirely different. Perhaps it is simply becoming more fully ourselves. More grounded, playful, visible, authentic, alive and trusting our instincts.

At this stage in my life, I no longer want to spend my remaining years waiting to feel fully qualified before I participate in my own existence.

I want to:

• Create
• Learn
• Help
• Laugh
• Evolve
• Sparkle
• Encourage
• Speak honestly
• Take up space kindly
• Be too much
• Be Extra
• Live loudly
• Live boldly
• And most of all continue becoming.

Definitely not because I know everything. BUT, because I finally understand something important,

THE CAGE WAS NEVER LOCKED!!!!!

And maybe… just maybe…

Neither is yours.

Suz xo