Is Being Ferociously Independent a Good Thing?

I have always considered my independence one of my greatest strengths. If I can do it myself, I usually do. Need groceries loaded into the car? “No thanks, I’ve got it.” A heavy bag of dog food? “I am fine.”

Move the couch? “How far?” Yikes, and then a few minutes later, I quietly wonder if I have gotten myself into a situation that I can't actually manage. If you are smiling perhaps you have done the same thing.

For years I wore my independence like a badge of honor. I worked hard to become the kind of woman who did not need to rely on anyone. After spending 9 years as a 24/7 caregiver and then rebuilding my own life, being capable wasn’t just important, it was survival, it was necessity, it became a part of who I was.

Lately, something has been rattling around in my head.

Is being ferociously independent always a good thing?

Have I quietly convinced myself that accepting help somehow means I am getting old? That is an uncomfortable question.

Here is the funny thing, when I offer to help someone else, I never think they are weak. I offer because I can and to make their day easier and often for the camaraderie. It feels good to be useful. It feels good to care. It feels good to accomplish things together.

So why is it so difficult to receive the very thing I so willingly give?

Perhaps I have confused independence with strength. Maybe they are not the same thing. Perhaps real independence isn’t proving I can do everything alone. Perhaps it is knowing I could do it myself, but no longer feeling I have to prove it every single time.

I haven’t completely changed my mind.

So, if you offer to carry my groceries tomorrow, there is still a pretty good chance I’ll smile and say, “No thanks, I’ve got it.”

Old habits don’t seem to disappear overnight. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll say, “Yes, thank you.” Thankfully not because I have become less capable. Nope, because I have become more comfortable. Comfortable enough to let someone else experience the joy of helping. That does not feel like giving up independence. It feels like gaining wisdom. I love that. I am smiling big as I write those words.

So let me ask you...

Is being ferociously independent always a good thing?

I am still thinking about it.

💚 Suz, The Accidental Blogger