Am I Listening, or Just Waiting For My Turn?

Someone is talking to me. I am looking at them. I may even be nodding. All the outward signs suggest that listening is taking place. Meanwhile in my head I am preparing an excellent response. I have had a similar experience to share. A helpful suggestion. Possibly a solution they have somehow failed to discover before speaking to me. How fortunate that I am here. Except, have I actually heard them?

I have been noticing how quickly my mind moves from someone else’s words to my own contribution. Sometimes it is enthusiasm. Something they say sparks a connection, and I cannot wait to share it. Sometimes it is discomfort. They are hurting and I want to make the hurt go away. Sometimes I simply have something to say and would appreciate an opening. That last one is less flattering, but it deserves a place on the list.

There is nothing wrong with responding. A conversation needs more than one voice. But when I begin composing my answer too soon, I may miss the very thing that would help me understand. The hesitation. The change in tone. The sentence that comes after, “I know this sounds silly, but…” Or the thought that takes a little time to find its words.

I know how much it means when someone lets me finish. When they ask a question that shows they were paying attention. When I leave a conversation understanding myself a little better because someone gave me room to speak.

I would like to offer more of that. So I am practicing a small pause. “Tell me more.” “What was that like for you?” Sometimes, “Would you like my thoughts?” I am also practicing allowing a little silence without rushing in to furnish it,

An empty moment does not necessarily need decorating. Perhaps the other person is still thinking. Perhaps something important is on its way. I am curious about how much more I might hear if I become a little less occupied with what I will say next.

I wonder how many conversations I have left thinking I knew someone better, when what I really did was tell them more about me.

Yikes!

There is a wonderfully uncomfortable moment of recognition in this blog. Have I understood what the other person means before deciding what I want to say? This especially includes resisting the urge to fix everything.

💚 The Accidental Blogger